Monday, January 18, 2010

Helluva Start

Here I sit, looking at the blank screen wondering what I am going to write? Wondering why it is that I write. Wondering for whom it is that I am writing.

The answer to that last one is difficult, because although I am writing for myself I am also wanting this to be read. Or I would just type away on my computer and not make things public. So, I am also wondering where this need to be public comes from.

I think part of it is a bit of narcissism. I have never claimed to NOT be a vain, vain, girl. And the thought of someone reading something I have written is enticing. It is kind of a crazy artistic thing - I love writing, and I love words but I really want the people who are reading them to like them too! And then I want them to tell me they liked them. LOL! I would think this holds true for most writers. (Feel free to disagree in the comments if you are a writer, this is pure conjecture on my part.)

I think part of putting this stuff out here in the big, bad, cyber-verse is also a way to make connections. To see what others might think about what I write about. And get feedback...and possibly tips on knitting.

Mostly though, I am attempting some form of accountability with my writing - to feel that I do have people who might be waiting to see what I am going to say next so that I have something to combat the eternal and infinite excuses I can find to not write every day. Or even every other day. Or on any kind of schedule.

This is all part of taking stock of what truly matters to me in this life and what does not. All part of defining who I am. What I have been for most of my life is a writer. Why then do I push it away so much? When did I stop doing this thing that I love so much and why do I keep shying away from it?

Why do I keep shying away from my true self?

I don't know the answer to that one yet, but I do know that I am going to take steps towards no longer denying myself these things that lie at the heart of who I am.

It's a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy. ~Lucille Ball

1 comment:

  1. You mean you are actually writing for more than just me? Awwww, and I thought I was special.

    Please keep have an eloquent way with words.